The Battle of Justice and Mercy

Today. It was today. I'm unsettled and can't sleep. How do I capture all the feelings? How do I see it from different perspectives? How do I "divvy up" the blame? How do I learn, grow, evolve from this? Where is the perfect balance between justice and mercy? What will happen next? How do I keep my family safe?

Today was the hearing for the boy that attacked Max. It was the culmination of many emotions, decisions, discussions and strategy sessions. First, let me take you back in time.....

In December, Max was attacked at school by the same boy, knocked unconscious and ended up in the hospital. After much thought, discussion and prayer, we elected not to press charges but to enter a contract with the boy and his family for him to do community service and get his Eagle Scout Award.

We thought it was the right thing to do, and people tell us now not to second-guess that decision. Sometimes you can't help it. You wonder "what if..?"

But now is now, and today we had our moment. We started talking strategy with the County Attorney and the Victim's Advocate about a week ago. They explained the pros and cons of (1) charging him for attempted murder vs. aggrivated assault (2) charging him as an adult vs. a juvenile. Once we wore out the conversation and expressed our concerns and questions, we agreed with the advice of our advocates. Charge: Attempted Murder. Level: Juvenile.

You might wonder why, after such a carefully pre-meditated attack we did not charge him as an adult. It's complicated. There was another boy that provided the bat and publically encouraged the attack for a number of days before it happened. He has not been charged, nor will he.

But back to the actual case. Bottom line is this. Adults can opt for a trial and jurys in Moab are extremely liberal. Adults can post bail. Adults go immediately to prison and do not have access to evaluation and therapy under normal conditions. Juveniles are sentenced by the juvenile court judge, are not eligible for bail, and generally serve longer sentences. They are observed, evaluated and given needed mental and emotional treatment at a secure state facility, then sentenced to serve time in a juvenile facility.

We felt it would be vindictive to go after the adult charge so he'd suffer as much as possible. That route also has the jury and incarceration time risks and almost guarantees that a monster will be on the loose in 3 to 5 years. Or, we could make the choice that we'd hope someone would make for us if Max had attacked their son. We opted for a juvenile level charge.

We were surprised and comforted to have friends show up to support us at the hearing. The Moab Ya Ya's (Sena, Valerie and Kim (and her David) were there) along with quite a few of Max's friends. The adults were allowed in the room, the kids were not because juvenile court is confidential.

We were so impressed with the compassion, eloquence and holistic style of the judge. No question that she wanted the best for Max, but she was also making decisions in the best interest of the other family.

The boy pled guilty with no contest. He never turned to face us, and his mumbled responses to the judge were almost inaudible. The plea precludes some of his rights, especially those for an appeal or future trial. Therefore the judge was able to secure commitment to the Utah State Mental Hospitalfor evaluati on for 90 days at a time until they report that they have done all they can do. At that time, he returns to Moab for his sentencing.

I had an opportunity to speak to the court on behalf of our family. I explained the impact on our family, particularly on Max. His physical suffering, the agony of a brain dehydrated by the loss of so much spinal fluid, 18 days in the hospital -- sitting up all the time, and tied to the bed to prevent him from ripping out his tubes for part of the time, and the painful recovery from two delicate brain surgeries. The permanent deafness in the right ear and the paralyzed face. The need for ongoing medical attention. The loss of income for parents who had to take time off work. The bills - over $200,000, and the emotional costs for all of us.

I had a chance to ask the judge to consider the prior incident at school and our decision to not press charges. On behalf of the family, I asked the judge to keep the defendent confined as long as possible after the hospitalization and treatment because of the pre-meditated and violent nature of the attack.

The judge clearly had studied this case well and she gave us what we asked for. In reality, it is likely the boy will serve no more than 18 months. The detention centers and prisons are overcrowded, and if a "gang-banger" who has murdered someone needs a place, they have to accomodate by releasing those charged with lesser crimes.

It didn't feel like a victory, but it let a little steam out of the pressure cooker which has been the nature of our lives the past month and a half. Out of the courtroom we hugged and thanked Max's friends for waiting to show their support. It was one of the few times I have broken down with emotion.

As we walked out and toward the stairs, we came face to face with the boy who we believe is almost as responsible for this as the assailent. This boy and his father were outside the courtroom waiting for his hearing on other charges -- for theft and burglery. He is the one I mentioned who provided the bat and a great deal of encouragement which is documented by witnesses at school in the police reports. They do not currently have evidence to charge him in Max's case. We have requested that this boy be ordered to stay away from Max. As I approached the exit, I passed within 15 feet of him. He looked me right in the eye and shocked everyone within earshot by loudly saying "bitch". I was dumbfounded and kept going out, but some of my friends who overheard told him "you should be ashamed of yourself". His dad didn't say a word. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. His Karma will find him and there will be consequences far beyond the control of the legal system or any other human being.

Haven't been able to calm down from the drama of this day. I am so proud of Max. He handled everything with a lot of class and dignity. I was proud of him, and am hopeful this is one of the bigger hurdles we must go over before we can have closure and peace. My hope and prayer is that somehow justice and mercy can be equal partners in this incident.