Moab - Not a Tapestry, A Crazy Quilt!

Welcome to Moab. Are you odd enough and open minded enough to love this bizarre and unexplainable place? Moab spits out people like a kid spits out watermelon seeds. Not many last, but the von Zastrow's, we're a different breed.

Sure, we saw what you see -- visually -- this place is a spectaculor combination of wild landscapes, magnificent red rocks; uncivilized terrain; unstoppable adventure -- yes, paradise found for the naturalists!

What you didn't know before you gave up your big salary and left the cultured society, luxuries, and status behind you was what you found out...later. There is something edgy about small town life. It's full of complex and bizarre connections
-- like the policemans wife who had an affair with the doctor, who's wife ran off with a gay woman tourist. Or the produce guy who was busted driving drunk on the river road and discovered during his change of clothes at the jail house to be wearing women's bra and thong. Of course everybody knows about it, the newspaper editor is married to the sherrif. "Now which one of Max's friend's dad was that?" we try to remember.

Talk about the Hatfields and the McCoys. You can't invite a Holyoak and a Shumway to the same party, or any gathering, because there's generations of bad blood between them -- but nobody knows why. Same thing with the Redd's and the Skinners. It takes years to learn how to put together an acceptable party list.

Yup, we moved here because it was the most "diverse" town in Utah. We'd lived in DC and LA, and we wanted something a little simpler, yet more interesting than the typical small Utah town offers.

What sold us on Moab was the totally unique population combo of: Hippies, Trustafarians, Red Necks, Dirt Bags, Mormons/Catholics/Buddhists/Baptists, Cowboys, Environmentalists, Government Types, Old Timers, Meth Addicts, White Trash, Extreme Atheletes, Native Americans and Mexicans. So, we thought, a "rich tapestry" of diversity for our family! PERFECT!

It doesn't work like that, and we had to find out the hard way. You DON'T mix. Mormons stick to Mormons, Red Necks stick to the Outlaw Saloon, Hippies and Environmentalists ONLY at the Wabi Sabi Fashion Show, Old Timers get to choose between the Chevron and Dave's Corner Market, and the entire law enforcement population sticks to Walker's Convenience Store, and so on..... I don't want to say more because it could come back to haunt me. Opportunity lost. How disappointing.

Another thing that'll sneak up on you is the fact that you gotta be very careful not to make any enemies here -- because for sure, someone at the assessors office, DMV or highway patrol will be related to them and you'll have hell to pay. That means you better not ever take any kind of public stand on anything because somebody's uncle will "fix your wagon" when you least expect it. The relationships are as convoluted as Bill Clinton's definition of sex.

Nevertheless, we love it because we are just odd enough to be perfect misfits. I am a new-age Buddhist, feminist, environmentalist Mormon. Nobody knows what to think of me, so I fit and I don't -- but that's ok, because I am never here long enough to really connect and I am a Geminii anyway. David is a multi-lingual, highly educated, multi-cultural, adventurer, safari rat, hermit and blue collar worker with a tiny sprinkling of red neck when it is absolutely needed for communication purposes.
Max -- well, let's just say the poor kid is completely confused and hasn't picked his team yet. Hopefully all his world travels and his fairly odd parents will broaden his selections and make him a misfit, too.

Yet, at the end of the day -- for us, this "Moab", life -- like the Biblical Moab, which we have visited, is a unique and beaitiful "crazy quilt" woven together with complicated and unexplainable magnetism.

And the biggest surprise of all. When we recently had a terrible and tragic situation with Max being near death -- the love and outpouring of help came from all...and I mean ALL of those diverse segments of Moab. So there IS a way to transcend those barriers.

God Bless You Moab, and may someday all your people see each other's beauty.

For me, I've decided I will stay here till the primroses do not bloom in the desert; until the rosy dawn forgets to touch the snowy peaks of the La Sal Mountains; and until the full moon's final midnight makes shadows for my coyote cousins to howl at. Forever and ever.